Archive - Originally posted on "The Horse's Mouth" - 2004-08-29 07:20:55 - Graham Ellis
Form design is a discipline in its own right, and it's amazing just how many sites get it wrong! Let me introduce some of the characters to you:
Private N. Limit Nick Limit - that's short for numeric limit. Nick is only capable of doing a limited number for things at the same time (and often that's just one thing). Ask him to supply you with a download of a piece of software, and he'll ask you for your email address and agreement to a set of terms, and he'll possibly ask you if you want to be added to a mailing list. He'll ask politely enough and you'll be happy with the experience ... but when you go on say "can I also have" ... he'll start asking those same questions again. No way of saying "Look - Nick - it's me again. Can we take it that I still don't want to be on that mailing list".
Private W. Browser Walter (Wot) Browser is like a faithful old dog with one Master. Excellent service if you're running Internet Explorer, but anyone else gets odd looks and peculiar responses. Some things get left off completely, and if you're not "IE" you can press some of his buttons till your blue in the face and he won't do anything.
Private F. Line Fred (Fast) Line can talk the hind legs of a donkey. Ask him a simple question and he'll spend hours answering with great patience. But what a shame when all you want is a "yes or a "no" to get an enormous pile of graphics and fully scrolling window of "100 most popular question". Does he thing that everyone has broadband?
Private H. Secret Hughie "hidden" Secret assumes you know how to address him, and he won't do anything unless you tell him right. I'm looking at a form on a website in another window as I write this and I have "from" and "to" boxes ... and a pull down menu alongside it. The options are "annual" and a series of numbers from 3 to 31, with some numbers missing. Hughie has gone to a lot of trouble to give me this input, but I simply don't know what it means. Help button? Well - that would be second best but, no Hughie doesn't provide one.
Private M. Option Miss Mellisa Option (missing option). Missy will ask you to choose between a whole lot of options, but you'll look at them and say "none of those applies to me". Business or pleasure? Neither - family duty but I'm not allowed to say that. There's a rumour of a close relationship between Nick (whom we met earlier) and Mellisa.
Corporal Xor In charge of the platoon (and Missy's Dad too). The Corporal will provide you with all the options, but give you a choice that you really can't make. You want him to reserve you two rooms and he'll insist they're both doubles or both singles. You want travel insurance and he'll insist that the whole party is under 66, or the whole party is over that age. He'll ask you what time of day you want to fly and won't give you an "any" box - and is he's having a really good day he'll then simply tell you that there aren't any flights at that time. He's a past master at appearing helpful but being so frustrating that he makes your blood boil - after all, how else did he come to be in charge of our group of "likely lads"?